The art of finding a bride on Online Matrimonies

People it has been some time since I have blogged. Lot of people have been telling me that I should be writing more often, so here I am with my new post. I was thinking hard about what to write – should it be about some place I travelled to recently or about some sad movie review, but I decided to write about something interesting, as I know most of us would have gone through this experience of searching for profiles on online matrimonial sites.

I had been postponing registering on some online matrimonial site thinking that things happen pretty fast out there and once a profile is in you find a gal in a jiffy and I actually want to push things to be late and so I had been asking my folks to search for a bride through the most common matrimonial channel – the fully faltoo aunties J. How often have you been to some family function and aunties whom you hardly know are eager to get you engaged to their sister’s husband’s sister’s brother in law’s daughter? Gals have to bear the brunt most of the time but we guys are not left alone either.

However, as time passed by I came to know that leaving the search to the fully faltoo aunties is dangerous as the prospects these aunties were bringing were fully faltoo too. Now how willing I would be to marry some female from a small town who is proud of her Bachelor of Commerce education and her hobby is cooking. Being from a community that does not actually understand the importance of education, the criteria for a good bride is just that she should be good looking and she should be a good cook.

So then, I decided that I would register myself on Matrimonial sites. Now there are plenty of matrimonial sites but which site to choose, as there are plenty of them. Ok I had to choose Bharatmatrimony for sure as it is the one with the largest database of profiles. So I went about creating a profile for me on Sindhi Matrimony.com, it was a very tough exercise as it is not the ‘About Me’ section of orkut or facebook where you just have to blabber something. I had to spend proper time for a marketing campaign that could sell me asap. I was doing it around 1 am in the morning cos that is when I have time for all the faltoo work, but I did not know that these people would call up my mom in the middle of the night to verify the number that I had given during registration. Thank god, my mom thought it to be some wrong number or else I would have gotten a real good dose in the morning.

So the registration process is done the profile is screened and we are ready to go on the bride hunt. Now is when the interesting part starts. Right on the next day I get alerts on my Gmail saying that this gal has expressed interest in your profile. Like every anxious bachelor I was anxious to see the photo of the female (people be honest- we are bothered about the looks even before knowing the gals qualification and whereabouts). My curiosity soon turned into a disappointment. The lesser I talk about it the better.

And guys those who thought that arranged marriage is the easier way out, and love marriage is tough with lot of papad belna and all…. U had better rethink….

Now here is where I would like to classify women on matrimonial sites.

Category 1: Jisse Ham Dekhte hain Woh Hame dekhti nahi
There is no dearth of good-looking women or gals on matrimonial sites but like in the real world these gals have attitude too. Now it is your turn to express interest. You go through the profile (which is secondary), you check out the photographs and then take a call to contact the gal or not. Guys for your information 90% of the times you won’t be able to contact the gal you will be contacting the gal’s parents. Most of the gal’s profiles are put up by parents and it will be a long procedure even before you get to say a hi to her. Some profiles are online for chat but you may end up chatting to the gal’s mom instead of the gal – an unwanted bonus.
So now you have expressed interest and have your fingers crossed, but alas out of 4, two have rejected you- and that too with a sorry line ‘Your profile doesn’t meet my expectation, but keep searching you will get the gal of your dreams’, as if I care. Your friends do feel happy about the rejection and you hear lines like ‘You couldn’t have married her anyways, as I would have killed you of envy’.

Category 2: Jo Hame Dekhti hain who kise chahiye
This is the category, which is like a mini skirt – Long enough to serve its purpose, short enough to keep you interested. This is the category, which will give you the confidence to keep looking. There will be plenty of females and their parents expressing interest on your profile, which will definitely make you feel that you are being noticed. However, when you go through the profiles you will wonder if the gals are eligible for you or your grand dad. The less I talk about them the better.

Category 3: Hame Gale lagati hain, par sharmake bhaag jaati hain
Now this is an interesting category, you like the profile of a gal – either she has expressed interest or you have. So finally, there is mutual consent – both the parties like each other. Off course, you cannot be sure whether the gal likes you or her mom, but you have taken the first step in any case. Now is when contact details are exchanged and here is where the Matrimonial sites become smart, they don’t let the parties share the contact details until one party pays up. Now either you wait for the gal to pay up or you use your credit card. Guys like in real life it is the guy who has to shell out the bucks. Ok now the guy shares the contact details and even asks his parents to call up the gals parents. The gals parents say they need a couple of days to think about it. I wonder why they did not do the thinking in the first place. The guy waits anxiously for the couple of days to pass – and in Uday Chopra style (Dhoom fame) has two kids already. The gal’s parents are very prompt- they do respond on the third day but it is not a courteous message or mail. They just cancel interest and disappear. I wonder that they found that my actual profession is smuggling heroin.

So guys this has been my experience so far on Matrimonial sites. I heard my friends saying that there is more to this. As planets and particularly our dearest Mars plays havoc in creating in the so-called heavenly magic between two beings. My folks and I being in the south does not help either as most of our community is in North –West India. It has been an interesting journey so far, will keep you guys posted on this.

Last but not the least this post is written by me on a lighter note and if anybody is hurt then that is totally unintentional.